4 things an LIT can teach you about relationships and money

“Communication is definitely key, but I would say that listening is far more important. Understanding why someone has a particular relationship with money is a fundamental part of being able to relate to your partner on a deeper level. When I help a couple with their finances, I encourage them to sit down and open up about their money habits. A good way of breaking the ice is to explain to each other your financial backgrounds. How did your parents handle money decisions? How would you have done things differently? When people are able to take a step back from their financial problems and reflect on how money influenced the way they were raised, they become more self-aware and better equipped to look at their own situation more clearly.”

“I often help couples who have distinct roles when it comes to managing all the responsibilities within a household. Sometimes this works fine. But oftentimes, when one partner is left out of the financial decision-making, there can be the potential for financial secrets, which can not only derail a family’s finances, but create walls between spouses or partners and cause a lot of stress. My goal is to find a debt solution that fits their needs, and also teach them the basics of managing a budget so they can work together to limit their reliance on credit and track their spending. But let’s be honest: sharing the responsibility of household finances can be stressful, too. It can mean disagreements that may be unpleasant or awkward. But these differing viewpoints are essential to the financial health of the relationship. When it comes to money, I really believe that two heads are better than one.”

“When it comes to relationships and money, there is no set playbook. Every relationship is different and most are constantly evolving. It’s impossible to say how a couple should divide financial responsibilities. I especially have noticed that problems arise when assumptions are made about who should be paying for what. It’s why money talks should be happening on a monthly or a weekly basis. Especially now, when so much work is done on a contractual or freelance basis. Couples should be constantly reviewing their budgets and readjusting them to suit fluctuating resources. Asking your partner questions like, “Are you okay with how we’re handling our bills?” or, “Do you think we need to adjust certain things?” is a great way of checking in with the person you love and making sure you’re being supportive.”

“It’s true, that as an LIT, I see a lot of people separating because of money issues, but there is a silver lining too. When faced with a debt problem, many couples are very supportive of each other’s financial situations. And when they come see us, they see themselves and their household at their most vulnerable. The initial consultation is often a bit like therapy: individuals and couples are opening up for the first time about the state of their finances and the reasons behind their difficulties. I see many couples whose bond is strengthened by going through this process and taking the necessary steps they need to. Together. This happens a lot and is very heart warming.”